A
man goes on a 2 month business trip to
Europe and leaves his cat with his brother.
Three days before his return he calls
his brother. Brother 1: So how is my cat
doing? Brother 2: He's Dead Brother 1:
He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead!
I loved that cat couldn't you think of
a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in
3 days you could of broke me into the
news easier. You could of told me today
that she got out of the house or something.
Then when I call before I leave you could
of told me well we found her but she is
up on the roof and we're having trouble
getting her down. Then when I call you
from the airport you could of told me
the Fire Department was there and scared
her off the roof and the cat died when
it hit the ground. Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're
right...that was insensitive I won't let
it happen again. Brother 1: Alright..Alright,
forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?
Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're
having trouble getting her down.
Computer
Term
A language
instructor was explaining to her class that
French nouns, unlike their English counterparts,
are grammatically designated as masculine or
feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she
described, would have a gender association although
in English these words were neutral. Puzzled,
one student raised his hand and asked, "What
gender is a computer?" The teacher wasn't
certain which it was, and so divided the class
into two groups and asked them to decide if
a computer should be masculine or feminine.
One group was composed of the women in the class,
and the other, of men. Both groups were asked
to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The group of women concluded that computers
should be referred to in the masculine gender
because: 1. In order to get their attention,
you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot
of data but are still clueless. 3. They are
supposed to help you solve your problems, but
half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon
as you commit to one, you realize that, if you
had waited a little longer, you might have had
a better model. The men, on the other hand,
decided that computers should definitely be
referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their
internal logic. 2. The native language they
use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible
to everyone else. 3. Even your smallest mistakes
are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one,
you find yourself spending half your paycheck
on accessories for it.
Biology
Class
Dr.
Parker, the biology instructor at a posh
suburban girl's junior college, said during
class, "Miss Smith, would you please
name the organ of the human body, which
under the appropriate conditions, expands
to six times its normal size, and define
the conditions." Miss Smith gasped,
blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper
question to ask me, you should be asking
a boy. And I assure you my parents will
hear of this." With that she sat
down, very red-faced. Unperturbed, Dr.
Parker called on Miss Johnson and asked
the same question. Miss Johnson, with
composure, replied, "The pupil of
the eye, in dim light." "Correct,"
said Dr. Parker. "And now, Miss Smith,
I have three things to say to you. One,
you have not studied your lesson. Two,
you have a dirty mind. And three, you
will some day be faced with a dreadful
disappointment."
Fish
Story
A
lawyer and an engineer were fishing in
the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I
am here because my house burned down and
everything I owned was burned. The insurance
company paid for everything."
"That is quite a
coincidence," said the engineer,
"I am here because my house and all
my belongings were destroyed by a flood,
and my insurance company also paid for
everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat
confused and asked, "how do you start
a flood?"
What do Alexander the
Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
Their middle name.
What happened when Batman
and Robin got run over by a steam roller?
They became Flatman and
Ribbon!
A man is incomplete until
he is married. After that, he's finished.
Why did Beethoven kill
his chicken?
It kept saying ''Bach,
Bach, Bach...''
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